“What the… We’ve got to leave in five minutes! Get up!” My dad exclaimed in frustration as he walked past my bedroom door. I thought I’d only been asleep for a few minutes (I didn’t mean to fall back asleep) but the sleep was so deep I had been lost in it for well over an hour. Good one, brain. As if this morning wasn’t going to be stressful enough!
I’d been up most of the night listening to Kodaline; although their music reminded me of a lot, it was somehow extremely good at taking my mind off of everything and just chillin me out. It didn’t stop all of me buzzing with fear. The trembling went on all night, my heart hammered away which isn’t helpful the night before I’m going to get it checked out… I woke with a start this morning after barely a couple of hours of sleep, to find that I was so nervous about the thought of today that I soon started shaking again. I have been riding adrenaline all night, it would seem. My legs feel like they won’t even hold me.
So getting to this appointment is going to be fun. I am used to the whole “Oh no I overslept!” Scenario thanks to being to ill while at uni. I’d often wake up five minutes before I was due to meet my friend, and be out of the door and ready within three minutes (seriously, I timed it). This ability seemed to appease my dad and now we’re on the motorway heading to London again. Today, I feel lousy. Just need to hold out until tonight and then I can flake out.
For now I am very literally on the road again. I love being in the car, and I adore London. The sweetness among all of the bitterness is that we are currently London-bound. And it’s sunny and the sky is clear and blue. Keeps me grounded, makes me realise that today will be ok on the grand scheme of things even if I hate every second, because it’s a teeny tiny portion of the world and of… My life.
No way but through.