“Like I Was Born To Run”

This is not my first post of the day. I spent my morning wrestling with the task of producing that inevitable and awkward first blog post that everybody faces upon the creation of a new blog. It was, for some reason, far more difficult than blogging here. I felt a lot of pressure, because this time I knew that I would be blogging for a purpose, and making that first post represented a huge commitment to the process that I want to start. For a while I have been talking about the idea of getting back to running, and using the journey as a way to encourage others and also raise money for charity… and today is the first day of A Milestone A Month (both the name of my new blog, and the idea itself…).

To my surprise, within an hour my first post had 7 likes, and the blog itself has gained its first 4 followers… So I guess I really am committed to this thing now. It kind of gave me a little reassurance, as I hadn’t thought anybody would be too interested in my little project.

In other news:

  • My body is almost over its acidosis, although my mum is still convinced that I look more unwell than usual.
  • One of the London hospitals that I go to (the one down the road from my uni) phoned to ask if I would be available for surgery next Wednesday. I am completely done with hospitals at the moment, but this surgery is going to completely fix the (new) issue it is dealing with and prevent an awful lot of pain from continuing (plus it gives me an even better excuse to bail on the hospital appointment that I’m meant to be going to to meet the leading guy in the country who wants to put me through hell on earth to try and improve ONE health hiccup) so I’m actually pretty happy.
  • I phoned the vets about my dog, and therefore successfully adulted (yes being an adult is now a verb, sssshhhhh). Go me.
  • I reclaimed my little brother’s soul from his games console, which allowed us to talk for hours. He is actually human, and a pretty damn nice one at that. But it’s super weird having normal, mature conversation with your BABY brother (he will always be my baby brother. Always).
  • My little brother broke my heart. Turns out my nephew (who is used to the lavish lifestyle of Dubai and wears designer EVERYTHING, but has moved in with my parents and little brother) has been constantly telling my little bro that he has no fashion sense, and saying that his own old and falling apart trainers are better than all my brother’s shoes combined. When you’re 13, this kind of thing gets to you. My little brother is a pain in the butt and at times I’ve wished he’d just go away, but he’s my little brother, and when someone else upsets him I am RIDICULOUSLY overprotective. So we had this big long chat. My nephew, his mum (my sister) and our other sister see each other a lot even though they live half a world apart. They go on holiday together, they videochat all the time… and I asked my brother if it made him feel left out too, that they were all spending the weekend together this weekend. He said yes, then brought up the holiday thing, then said we were forgotten and left out and it wasn’t fair… so I’ve promised that he and I will do something together and exclude all of them, and that I’ll take him shopping (he has nice clothes and nice shoes, my nephew just likes to put him down, and I really don’t like that). I’m used to feeling second best (mostly to my brother, actually) and less than everyone else in this house, but he isn’t; I know how rubbish it feels, and I don’t want that for him. I seem to have accidentally gone into super protective angry big sister mode, rediscovered all of the hidden feelings of closeness I had for this child, and sent several angry texts.
  • My nephew then returned home in a foul mood and was extremely, extremely rude to my sister, who didn’t react at all but then told my brother to say “pardon” instead of “what” and teased him a little about his new haircut (which is in line with current trends and therefore not “tease-worthy”). She also told off my dog when one of their shopping bags fell over on him and he looked at it in alarm. Looked at it. (Nobody. Shouts. At my dog… except my dad, because he’s such an angry person at me or seemingly anything associated with any thought of me). My nephew stomped off upstairs to the spare “his” room, and must have taken my patience with him, because I was left sat there, really angry at the world for beating down the happy little soul that is my brother. I thought I’d always want him to feel what it was like to be me for a second; to be put down and live in someone’s shadow and feel like you can do nothing right, to experience being the second rate sibling for a minute instead of the wonder child that can do no wrong… But now that he’s feeling less than someone else, I kind of want to beat up everyone and everything that made him feel that way until he feels like he’s king of the world.
  • I had no idea what to write for this post, so I apparently wrote a bullet pointed list of paragraphs…

I will end with the lyrics to a song I’ve been listening to an awful lot over the last few days.

“I’m born to run

Down rocky cliffs

Give me grace, bury my sins

Shattered glass and black holes

Can’t hold me back from where I need to go

 

[…]

 

Don’t hold back

Oh I won’t hold back

 

I’m gonna live my life like I’m gonna die young

Like it’s never enough

Like I’m born to run

I’m gonna spend my time like tomorrow won’t come

Do whatever I want

Like I’m born to run

 

I wanna see Paris

I wanna see Tokyo,

I wanna be careless, even if I break my bones

I’m gonna live my life like I’m gonna die young

Like it’s never enough

Like I’m born to run” – American Authors, I’m Born To Run

And again, if anybody is interested in checking out the new blog (I still plan to maintain this one)… this is the link to my first post which outlines my intentions; it is aptly named “Mission: Impossible”

And here’s a link to my “JustGiving” page, if any of you wonderful humans want to contribute at all Month 1, Milestone 1

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